Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
