OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
