Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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