I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
