in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
