By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
