my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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