Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
