she woke up with a sticky ear
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
