im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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