we're blogging at a bar
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
