Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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