He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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