I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
