my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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