If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
