I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
