just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
