her vagina looked like bernie madoff
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
