so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
