Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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