thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
