You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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