don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
