3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
