I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
