you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
