dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
