I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
