We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
