I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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