it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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