I could make wine with my vomit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
