If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I just sharted jello shots
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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