Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
