Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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