Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
