dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
