he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
