you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
