Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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