I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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