Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
