last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
