please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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