When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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