fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
