Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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