I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
