I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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